30 Day Challenge: The Plank

Riiiight......

Remember when I said I was really excited about the 30 Day Squat Challenge? Well, it kind of crashed and burned in the first week.

Awesome.

The problem....well....I guess it wasn't much of a problem....is that I was already doing that many squats per session as it was making it anything BUT a challenge.

Yes, but the end of all the squats my legs were shaky, my butt hurt and my quads hated me, but since it was already part of my regular workout (thanks to D's phone-a-friend workouts) I bailed from the "program" relatively early.

But, this month we are going to try it again. And this time, we are going with an exercise I loath....

The dreaded plank.

I really hate doing them. But I know they are good for working the entire body so I'm going to suck it up and get through it. I'm just going to need to convince myself that I shouldn't look too far ahead on the "schedule" to see how long I need to hold one for.

Source

Being My Own Rock

Yesterday in the shower I penned an email in my head to D. The post holiday sugar high finally wore off (my aunt makes THE best sugar cookies, of which I ate many) and it had me feeling less than stellar.

It had me feeling a bit lost.

So I started the email, knowing I would never send it. But sometimes getting it out, no matter the format does the trick. And it did.

There are still days when I still feel lost and floundering, trying to figure out my next step. Trying to decide what the hell I am supposed to be doing, if I am doing any of this stuff correctly, am I eating the right foods, workout out enough, workout hard enough, all the same questions I had back in July.

As I stood there, I finally asked myself "how can I still NOT know that answers to these questions?!"

And I had the answer.

I do know what to do, what to eat, how much to workout, and if I am working out hard enough.

So the real question all along should have been and continues to be, "Why don't I believe in myself?"

I know the answer is there. Buried somewhere inside under years of not believing I was capable of doing so many thing. Because for whatever reason, I allowed myself to listen to those who told me "You can't."

But really I can.

No one can, should be or will be a bigger cheerleader for me than I am.

No one else can stand in my corner and shout "You've got this!" louder than I can.

Because it is time to start believing in myself.

New Year Suggestions

For me, each year feels like a clean slate. A moment to stop, take a deep breath and reassess. A moment to set new intentions and goals for myself. It is a way of reminding myself that it is o.k. to focus on, well, me.



Here is my list for the upcoming year.....

• Yoga Practice: I love doing yoga. I feel better when I practice. Not just on the day I practice, but even the days following. Incorporating a daily practice will help keep me loose after my runs and will help keep me balanced, even if it is only for 15 minutes. I'd also like to work on being able to arm balances, specifically baby grasshopper. I don't know why, but of all the arm balance poses this one intrigues me the most. 
• Daily Mediation: Along with yoga, daily mediation practice is something I would love to have as part of my daily ritual. I try to sit 4 or 5 times a week but it can be tough with everything going on in daily life. But carving out even 10 minutes to just sit with my breath is something I need to do.
• Nourish my body: I've been lax when it come to eating well. It's time to spend more time cooking, eating better foods and drinking more water. 
• Nightly Recharge: In bed by 10pm, up by 6am. It's time to rediscover my mornings. 
• Write It Out: No matter the topic, it needs to be written out of my head whether it be here on my blog or in my bedside journal. 
• Run: I've been thinking about my "running" goals in general quite a bit. I love to run and honestly, could write an entire post about my running goals for 2015. But I think it's best to keep it simple. So for the next year, I'd like to log at least 500 miles (or an average of 45 miles per month) and run a 5k (maybe even a 10k). That's it. Two short and sweet goals that are both totally doable.

What do you have planned for yourself in the new year? 

A Time to Reflect & Be Thankful

I know we still have a week or so before 2014 comes to an end, but it's hard not to look back over the past year and think about all the blessings that have come my way.

That isn't to say 2014 was an easy year.

There were a lot of ups and downs.

I grew exponentially in the quest to find myself.

But lost my biggest support system along the way.

I lost the best fur friend a girl could ask for when I said good-bye to Sadie.


But opened my home and my heart to the biggest teddy bear of a dog, Bandit, who has reminded me about the power of unconditional love.

   

I have connected with friends near and far. I have forged stronger relationships built on trust and understanding I wasn't sure was ever possible.

I've continue to learn about myself and grow into a woman I am proud to call "Me".

I look forward to what 2015 has in store for me.

Until then, from my little family to yours, happy holidays everyone!

Wanna Be Yogi

I have been practicing yoga on and off since my early 20s.

Previously, my "sessions" had been done solo using a dvd, YouTube or most recently Hulu. It was o.k. but I never really felt like I was getting much out of it.

But a few months ago, following a suggestion by Drew, I started attending a yoga class at my gym to supplement my training sessions.

Taking a class made a HUGE difference in how I approached my yoga practice and how I felt afterwards.

I quickly found that even though I was only going once a week, my whole body felt "off" if I missed a class.  Those extra stretches and holding poses were doing wonders for my flexibility (I've always has ridiculously tight hamstrings) and  taking that time to focus inward and being present in the moment was helping my overall mood.

Recently, I have started doing yoga at home again. For 30 to 45 minutes in the evening, I have been working through sessions to help keep my legs loose and fresh after a run. Thanks to my very helpful yoga instructor, I have also started working on putting my own sessions/sequences together to focus on the areas I need to work on the most.

It has been an amazing experience learning the benefits of each pose, how the poses fit together and how to move from pose to pose. It has definitely made me look at my practice in a whole new way and where I want to go with is in the future.

And yes, drawing out each sequence using stick figures is a pretty fun bonus to this project!

Zombies, Run!

To be honest, the whole zombie/end of the world genre thing is getting a little tired.

Don't get me wrong......I love a good Walking Dead marathon, but it seems like zombies and zombie themed things are taking over.

The irony in that statement is definitely not lost on me. But I digress.

When I am working out at the gym, I find it a lot easier to "zone out" and not worry about how much time has gone by, how many more minutes I have left in a workout (treadmill or elliptical), how far I've gone, etc. But running outside is a whole other story. I'm constantly checking my time, looking to see how far I've ran (I run for distance, not time, while in the great outdoors) and trying to sweet talk myself into pushing ahead. The inability to "get lost" like I do at the gym can be frustrating, no matter how good I am feeling, how well the run is going or how awesome my tunes are.

In an attempt to make my runs a little more interesting, I downloaded the Zombies, Run! app for my iPhone.

Holy fun times, Batman!

Here's a little blurb about the app from the website:
You are Runner 5. Hundreds of lives are counting on you. You've got to help your base rebuild from the ruins of civilization by collecting critical supplies while avoiding roving zombie hordes. Can you save them and learn the truth about the zombie apocalypse?

Essentially, each mission is about 30ish minutes and alternates between the storyline and your tunes. And should you choose, you can enable the game to initiate random "zombie chases" to help kick your runs into a little higher gear.

I will admit that the first "zombie chase" I encountered was a little creepy (I live in a small town, run in the woods, I think you get the jist) but was I reminded myself the zombie sounds I was hearing were in my headphones, it was so much fun!

Knowing that these "chases" could occur at any time, the app has really helped me keep a steady pace and not overdo it too quickly so that when I do need to "outrun the zombies" I'm able to do so without too much issue. It's also been just what I need to shift my focus away from my run too much which has been brilliant.

Do you have a favorite app to help keep you motivated while on a run?

So...like.....you run?

I always have a little laugh to myself when people are surprised when I say I run.

O.k....so I do tend to include air quotes around the word run, but I am getting more comfortable in saying that I am, in fact, a runner.

For me, running had always been this strange kind of mythical thing that only a certain "type" of person could do. We've all seen them. They are long, tall and lanky and look like a gazelle gliding across the plains when they run.

I am none of the above.

I'm tall-ish. While I am "all leg", they are not lean and I am the direct opposite of lanky. As for looking like a gazelle gliding across the plains? Uh...no. I look more like a giant turtle lumbering down the road.

All joking aside, after years of starting and stopping for various reasons, I finally started running again this summer. Previous attempts had failed after trying the Couch to 5k program. I would get to the end of week 5, which is "run for 20 minutes" and want to die and then quit. Other times I would attempt to come up with my own training program or I'd just go out and try to run. It just wasn't happening. And each time I "failed", it felt like a bigger failure than just not being able to run.

There is very much a part of me that holds onto failure much longer than I should. I WISH I was one of those people who look at a setback and use it to push themselves to work harder. I generally try to look at things through the eyes of the "eternal optimist" but sometimes, when I perceive that "my best" just "isn't good enough", there isn't enough optimism in the universe to save me.

Post run ninja!

But I am oh so happy to say that has all changed!

It really does feel a bit like a switch was turned on and I am now running. I try and log 3 miles (with only two or three short walk breaks) at a time. Whether it is on the treadmill at the gym or over the hills and through the woods around my hometown.

No matter the setting or location, it feels amazing!

To be able to put on my running shoes, step out the front door or ramping up the treadmill, knowing that 30 to 40 minute block of time will just be about me is pretty awesome.

Gone are the days of feeling like I am moving through quicksand or that my lungs might explode.

Instead, those days are replaced by new ones of being unbelievably proud of myself and feeling a pretty great sense of accomplishment.

So, while I'm still not quite able to run my entire route or session without a walk break or two and I'm not the swiftest runner out there (still pretty dang proud of myself for keeping a pace just over 11'30" per mile even WITH the breaks) all that matters is I am out there running.

And THAT is what makes me a runner. 

Life after D

Recently, a very dear friend of mine texted me to tell me she was signing up with a personal trainer. As soon as I read her text, I was immediately excited for her and proud of her for doing so. I know how intimidating it can be to make that decision to work with a trainer and putting your trust in them.

But then sadness set it.

It's been about a month since my last session with D....errr.....well, Drew. His name is Drew. And Drew was my personal trainer.

At this point, it seems like I should be "over it". The sadness and disappointment, I mean, of us not working together anymore.

It's a bit weird, really, how quickly that relationship became such an important part of my life  and how hard it has been to let it go.

On one hand, as friends and family like to point out, he was just my personal trainer. He was someone I paid to kick my ass each week in the gym. And I can sign up with another trainer. There are a few others to choose from.

But on the other hand, he represented something that is extremely hard to come by and someone I don't allow myself to have very often in my life: a source of unwavering support and someone I trusted.

For four and a half months, I trained with him for 3 hours each week and checked in with him nearly every day. He knew more about what was going on inside my head, the good and the bad, than my best friends did. He was able to see past the bullshit and get me to open up. None of it was easy and there were times that I hated him for doing it. But I have never felt as strong (mentally and physical) as I do now.

It was by no means easy and I think I had fewer ups than downs and it's taken a lot of time to believe it, but it is true. I am a much stronger person than I ever believed I could be.

So then why I all the anger and frustration and complete and utter sadness over his leaving?

It sounds so ridiculous, but it's because HE left.

The decision to start training had been all me. Each time I showed up at the gym it was because I  got myself there, crammed myself into my compression pants and worked my way through each session with him. And no matter how many times I wanted to give up and quit because "It was too hard", I didn't. Even in the midst of my weird emotional fallout after reaching my "goals" I kept going back. I didn't give up on the relationship and success we had built.

But his leaving feels like he did.

It feels like he gave up on me.

Rationally, I know his decision to pursue other opportunities had/has nothing to do with me.
Rationally, I know that my time with him would come to an end and it was likely better that it happened sooner than later.
Rationally, I know I need to let it go.

But having that decision to now "go out on my own" wasn't one I came to by myself. It was made for me. And that is what hurts and what makes me balk when people ask who I am training with now. Having had that decision taken away from me is what has brought all those walls back up and has me questioning how to get back to that place where I feel like I can trust someone on that level again.